THE KNOT OF BEING
“I’ll be whoever you need me to be—just don’t leave.”
“If I’m not shining… am I still real?”
This one doesn’t feel like fear. It feels like air.
Like disappearing. Like blending in so well, even you forget your shape.
The Knot of Being is the quietest of them all—because it forms when existence itself starts to feel like a burden.
It’s what happens when you were loved for your performance, not your presence.
When stillness felt like failure.
When joy had to be earned.
When who you were wasn’t enough to keep them close.
This knot is not about hiding from others.
It’s about forgetting where you begin.
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The Knot of Being twists itself around your identity.
It forms when your sense of worth is always tethered to action, reaction, or role.
You became the achiever, the caregiver, the performer, the clown, the wise one—anything but just you.
It says:
“If I stop doing, I stop existing.”
“If I stop shining, they’ll stop looking.”
“If I stop carrying, I’ll be left behind.”
You became loveable by being useful.
But the real you? The one underneath?
Still waits to be seen.
​✦ What This Knot Looks Like
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Always needing to be “on” in social spaces
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Feeling invisible when you’re quiet or neutral
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Over-functioning in relationships
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Becoming whoever they need
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Constant guilt when resting
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Feeling like your needs are too much
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Fear of being a burden
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Confusing admiration with connection
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Needing reassurance even after receiving it
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Hyperfixating on someone’s tone, texts, or mood shifts
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Feeling like you need to earn love through usefulness or beauty
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Fear of abandonment during even small conflicts
This knot often masquerades as being high-functioning, generous, capable.
But underneath? It’s exhaustion—and longing to just be.
✦ Where It Starts
Maybe you were only praised when you succeeded.
Maybe your sadness made others uncomfortable.
Maybe joy was allowed—but only if it wasn’t too loud.
Maybe your worth got linked to your usefulness so early you never questioned it.
So you learned:
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Shine to be seen.
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Carry to be kept.
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Disappear to stay safe.
And somewhere along the way, the you underneath got quiet.
✦ Untying the Knot
This knot loosens when you let yourself be unnecessary.
When you stop performing, and see who stays.
When you rest—and still feel real.
It unravels when you:
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Let silence be enough
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Say no without explanation
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Stop fixing things that aren’t yours to carry
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Let people witness your mess without rescuing them from it
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Explore what you love—not just what you're good at
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Say: “Even if I do nothing, I am still here. I am still me.”
You’re not here to earn your place.
You are the place.
When did I first feel like just “being” wasn’t enough?
What version of myself do I perform most often—and for whom?
If I didn’t have to prove anything today, what would I still choose?
Reflection prompt:
“If I let myself exist fully—without shrinking, shining, or shifting—who would I be?”