THE KNOT OF BELONGING
"You became a shapeshifter.
Not because you were fake—but because you thought maybe if you changed enough, they'd finally let you stay."
This knot cuts deep.
It’s not just about fitting in—it’s about staying in.
About wondering, every room you walk into:
"Do they really want me here?"
"Would they still love me if they saw all of me?"
The Knot of Belonging forms in silence. In side-eyes. In shifting tones when you speak your truth.
You learned to adapt.
To chameleon your way through social codes and unspoken rules.
To hide the parts that made people squint.
This knot doesn’t mean you’re needy.
It means you’re human.
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The Knot of Belonging forms when your nervous system can’t relax unless you’re sure you’re wanted.
Not just accepted. Not just tolerated. But wanted—as you are.
It’s made of moments when you were “too loud,” “too weird,” “too much.”
Or when your culture, your skin, your body, your mind didn’t match the norm.
Or when you were always the outsider, no matter how hard you tried.
So you learned to anticipate rejection.
To beat them to it.
To stay small, agreeable, silent… or entertaining.
But none of that is the real you.
​✦ What This Knot Looks Like
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Changing your tone or vocabulary to match a group
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Laughing off offensive jokes that sting
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Feeling like an imposter, even when you belong
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Constantly checking if others are annoyed by you
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Agreeing just to avoid being left out
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Being everything to everyone—but invisible to yourself
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Feeling guilt for standing out or being unique
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Waiting for the moment they’ll realize you don’t “fit”
This knot looks like social anxiety, but it’s really soul disconnection.
✦ Where It Starts
Maybe you grew up in a family where you were “the odd one.”
Maybe you were the only one of your race, class, or orientation in the room.
Maybe you moved a lot.
Maybe your religion, interests, or neurotype made you “different.”
Or maybe you belonged once—until you didn’t.
And your body remembers that exile.
So you scan. You shift. You adapt.
All to avoid being cast out again.
✦ Untying the Knot
This knot unties through self-recognition.
Through anchoring in your own presence before seeking connection.
Through reminding yourself: You don’t have to earn your place—you are the place.
It unravels when you:
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Notice when you’re shapeshifting—and pause
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Speak up even when your opinion differs
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Let someone see the real you—and stay
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Seek spaces that see you, not just use you
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Reclaim parts of yourself you once muted to belong
Untying this knot isn’t about fitting in.
It’s about rooting in.
When did I first feel like I didn’t belong?
What parts of me do I still hide to be accepted?
What would it feel like to belong to myself first?
Reflecting Prompt:
“If I believed that nothing about me was too much to love, how would I show up in the world today?”