THE KNOT OF LOVE
"You learned to give love like a bargain.
To perform, to please, to earn it—
and maybe, just maybe, they’d stay."
This knot forms when love and pain got braided together.
When affection felt conditional.
When you were taught—explicitly or silently—that you had to do something to be lovable.
It doesn’t always show up as heartbreak.
Sometimes, it’s the slow ache of always wondering if you're enough.
If they really mean it.
If they’ll vanish once you stop performing.
This knot makes you question:
Did they love me?
Or did they love what I gave them?
The Knot of Love is woven from unbalanced dynamics.
From being the giver, the fixer, the one who tried harder.
From absorbing someone’s chaos to feel worthy.
From being abandoned after opening your heart—or never even given the chance.
Sometimes, this knot forms in childhood.
Other times, it’s formed by betrayal in adulthood.
But it always leaves the same residue:
Love = uncertainty.
Love = labor.
So you armor up.
You love from a distance.
Or you love too much, trying to prove you're worth keeping.
​✦ What This Knot Looks Like
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Feeling anxious when someone pulls away
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Over-giving in relationships to feel safe
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Needing constant reassurance to feel loved
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Believing love must be earned or proved
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Confusing intensity with intimacy
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Struggling to receive love without guilt
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Attracting emotionally unavailable people
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Fearing that if you stop giving, they’ll leave
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This knot can look like passion. But often, it's just panic in disguise.
✦ Where It Starts
Maybe you were praised only when you achieved something.
Maybe love was withdrawn as punishment.
Maybe you chased people who kept you guessing—because that’s all you knew.
Maybe your caregivers said they loved you… but made you feel invisible, or responsible for their happiness.
Or maybe you loved deeply once—and were shattered.
So now, your nervous system can’t relax in love.
It scans. It pleases. It bribes.
Because it’s still waiting to be abandoned.
✦ Untying the Knot
This knot unties when love becomes safe.
Not exciting. Not overwhelming. Safe.
It unravels when you:
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Notice when you're overextending yourself for crumbs
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Learn to receive without guilt
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Choose relationships that feel calm, not chaotic
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Set boundaries and still believe you’re lovable
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Remind yourself: Love doesn’t need proof—it needs presence
Untying this knot means rewriting the definition of love.
From “earning” to “being.”
When did I first learn that love had to be earned?
How do I react when someone gets close—do I push or pull?
What kind of love do I crave… and do I believe I deserve it?
Reflecting Prompt:
“If I believed I was worthy of unconditional love, what would I stop doing?”